I've said it before, I'll say it again... Where does the time go? Man, it seems to go by so fast lately.
It was July, 2014 that I was diagnosed with Lyme, and August, 2014 that I started treating for Lyme. I really can't believe a year has already gone by.
I must say that I am so thankful for where I am today, compared to last year. Last year at this time I remember being terrified of where I may be today. Knowing that Lyme patients get worse before they get better, I remember wondering what the heck the next year had in store for me. It's definitely been crazy, but I finally turned a corner at about the year mark.
Now when I look back, I'm terrified of where I was a year ago. Things were not good a year ago. Every day that passes and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger, I'm realizing more and more how sick I've been. Trust me, I knew it when I felt my worst, but it became so freaking normal that it was hard to compare to what I should feel like, and sometimes hard to remember what it's like to not be aware of your misery all the time. And when you're working so hard to cover it up so people don't worry, you almost start to convince yourself it's not as bad as it is.
A Year In Review:
My state last summer was this. I had to sit down on the shower floor to bathe myself, because I was too weak to remain standing for that long, the motions of bathing were exhausting, and any heat was pretty intolerable. My showers took a while because I had to rest while I was in there. Washing my hair just about did me in. The act of moving my arms over my head was exhausting- caused my heart to pound, my body to tremble, light-headedness to set in. And I'd sit there and lean against the wall, breathing heavily, as if I'd just run a marathon. And I'd wait. My hands trembled horribly when I tried to shave my legs. The vision of watching my hand reach down to my ankle with the razor is the vision I would have of someone terribly old, or terribly ill. That was my hand. It always scared me to see it.
My state last summer was this. I felt like a horrible teacher. Sometimes Tyler had to drive me to the church I was teaching at (3 minutes from our house) and carry my bags in because I was too weak to do it myself. I had to lean my head against the wall to prop myself up during lessons. My hands trembled when I would point to a student's sheet music. I had to stop and catch my breath after demonstrating a vocal exercise.
You get the idea.
Current State:
So much has changed. And it's still so hard to describe. So much is better. I'm still symptomatic and things are still up and down, but I have turned a different corner. I don't want to give false advertisement here. Often times when people see I'm improving they think "oh good, she's better." I am better. "Better" is comparative, not a final state. I am better than I was last summer. Thank the heavens. I am improving! I am not "all better." It's not that simple.
I think I really turned the corner in July. The title of my last post says a lot... "More Alive Than Dying." That's how I felt for the first time in a while. Things have been progressing pretty well for a few months now, but I was still having lots of episodes that were pretty bad. Currently, my energy levels are up and down, but all of my other symptoms are changing. To summarize:
-Twitches (possibly more often, but don't last as long)
-Internal tremors/vibrations/buzzing (used to be an intense full-body vibration that left me feeling like a zombie being electrocuted, and now when it's full-body it's much less intense; it's currently more often isolated buzzing, mostly in my legs)
-Muscle cramps (so last week they were pretty severe- they woke me up every night, with writhing, crying... but they still weren't the worse episodes I'd ever had... hoping this one settles down soon)
-Heart palpitations (still occurring, but less frequently)
-Head/neck/jaw pain is currently nonexistent (this usually happens during a bad flare or herx... hasn't happened since July, woo)
-Sharp/stabbing pains (there's been a significant decrease lately)
And for the big one...
-Overall pain (traveling/migrating) has decreased significantly over the last month or so. I don't remember the last time I had this little pain. Even in June I still had significant pain just walking, or sitting in a car for longer than 15 minutes, and now I have very little pain. This is the weirdest for me, because it's been the single constant symptom since I was 10 years old. The pain in my hips mostly is something that I've learned to deal with and literally thought would never go away. It's starting to. (TEARS)
So, just when my doctor had been telling me I'd probably need antibiotic injections eventually to totally kick this, I finally turn a corner (hallelujah).
I had an appointment this week and when my doctor did her physical evaluation, she said I'm looking so much better than I was previously. While she was doing the physical tests that she does (I've never been quite sure what she's actually looking for), she said "when I used to do these tests, it used to be like 'whoa...' and now you've improved so much. It's different." That's always good to hear. My blood pressure is still up and down and up and down. At July's appointment it was 80/50 again. She didn't tell me what it was this week, which leaves me to think it was probably low (usually she tells me when it's normal, because we're excited about it lol).
The biggest obstacle right now seems to be my blood sugar. She has determined I'm definitely hypoglycemic, which likely isn't a direct result of Lyme, but is exacerbated by it. I've known this since high school because I can feel my blood sugar drop all the time, but no one has ever verified or tried to help me deal with it. My blood tests over the last year show how unstable my blood glucose levels are, and so do my symptoms. We're working harder on seeing what we can do to get it under control. It sucks to feel like you're eating everything right, eating at all the right times, etc, and you crash even after eating because your body is metabolizing and that's exhausting for it...
I'm reflecting a lot lately and feel so hopeful with where I'm at. I'm trying not to be overly optimistic because if there's anything I've learned from Lyme, it's that things can change in a heartbeat, and it likes to pull you down when you think you're starting to win. But I feel good about where I'm headed.
Please keep me in your thoughts and hope for continued improvement! Onward and upward, folks!
