I had an appointment a week ago, which was super short and to-the-point, but super encouraging. I'd been questioning whether or not I wanted to be on antibiotics, because although no one can tell me how long I may be on them, the first course alone is 3 months. My doctor told me it wouldn't be abnormal for me to be on them for 2 years... Holy moly, right?
When my doctor first asked me how I felt about antibiotic treatment, I was too overwhelmed to care. I thought "you're the doctor, I'm here to do what you recommend at this point." Only a few days after I started them I was having second thoughts; I think mostly because the amount of white pills I consume daily is increasing and I hate that, and we all know how long term antibiotic use can affect someone. I also wanted to be able to feel their effects, to know that they're going to do some serious business if I'm going to be taking them... And nothing seemed to be happening.
I had been waiting to have a giant herx, which is definitely no fun- like a "having bad symptoms today? Let's make them a million times worse!" type of thing (herxing is when you have a reaction to the load of toxins being released in your body... When bacteria die they release toxins. We're hopefully killing a ton of bacteria here, so I was expecting the worst). I was still having up and down days, but nothing that I couldn't handle, nothing worse than I'd ever experienced before, and if anything, I was having more "up" moments than "down" for the first time in months. Although I'd never wish a herx on anyone, I almost hoped I'd herx so I knew the antibiotics were doing something- so I knew that large amounts of bacteria were dying for sure. I actually had a few days where my symptoms were almost nonexistent (almost..). That hasn't happened in 7 months. So what was happening? I was confused as to why some symptoms went "poof" when my understanding was that they were supposed to get worse before they got better. I was really thankful to have those days that I felt really well, but I wasn't sure what they meant.
So hallelujah, that my doctor believes my response means the antibiotics are doing their job. She said a herx is something we want to avoid. My understanding was that it was almost inevitable; apparently not. She said herxing usually happens when you don't respond well to your treatment, or it's too much, too fast. So the fact that my symptoms were waning meant that I'm probably on the right thing, and the right amount. The. Best. Words. Ever. I know that sounds dumb- I was starting to feel better and was afraid of that? Only because I'd been told so many times that a herx was a possibility (if anything, I was told "you will herx"), and meant that the bacteria were dying. Again, I thought it was inevitable and a good sign, even if it made me miserable. I also know that the bacteria are highly evolved little buggers and that some treatment forces them to change forms so that they can hide- I was really afraid that was happening. But for now I will take every moment of feeling a little bit better, and believe with every particle of my being that my response means that this is already working.
My doctor did some small tests to check out my nervous system and said that neurologically, I look a lot different than I did on day one. She could tell things have settled down a little bit. Woo hoo! Let's keep that going!
I've had a little bit of a setback this week- we just moved and I overdid it. Symptoms are creeping back in (pretty major pain and tons of internal tremors and vibrations mostly), but hopefully I'm working my way to a point where I'll be able to bounce back a little easier from things like that. Fingers are crossed.
I have two more months of this round of antibiotics, and in a month we're likely going to keep one and switch the other out with a different antibiotic, so the bacteria don't get used to them. Happy thoughts that things continue to go forward and not backward!
Today, I am thankful for some moments of relief- they're the beacon that remind me that I'll find the way.
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